Did You Forget To Lock Your Car Again? You Didn’t. Unless You Did.

The Exclamation Point Is The Period’s Drunk Cousin Who Slept With And Then Ghosted The Comma

I Don’t Know Who Needs To Hear This, But The Bartender Is Not Flirting With You

It’s Time To Expand The Queer Animal Kingdom And Let In Some Bisexual Animals, Dammit

As Coco Chanel Said, No Elegance Is Possible Without Perfume. Especially If It Smells Like Disneyland’s Water Rides.

It’s Great To See You, Friend Whose Name I Definitely Remember.

After A Lifetime Of Jinxes, I’m Finally Coming For All The Cokes You People Owe Me

My Laaptop Has Aaaa Swollen Battery That Presses Aaagainst My “Aaaaaa” Key Aaaand Whenever I Type an Aaaa My Computer Screaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaams

I Don’t Know Who Needs To Read This, But Do Your F**cking Dishes

You Gotta Fight! For Your Right! To Nap In A Hammock.