We’ve all been there. You can’t remember if you locked your car. So you go outside to make sure it’s locked. And it is. What were you even worried about? Then you go back inside and a minute later you wonder, wait, did I unlock the car when I went to check if it was locked? You should probably check. So you go outside again and discover that, yes, your car is still locked.
Okay, so maybe I have a touch of OCD. Or maybe the car is a metaphor? Maybe it feels like our lives are out of control because the Amazon rainforest is on fire and our government would rather protect guns than people and we can’t afford health care premiums. But we can control if our car is unlocked or not. If only we could remember if our car is unlocked or not.
Honestly, who cares about the underlying cause of your car locking obsession? That’s what therapy is for! But who needs therapy when Gleek’s here with a solution?
Stop leaving your car.
You won’t have to worry about whether or not it’s locked if you never leave it! Can’t remember if you locked it? Easy, just look at it! If it’s already locked, congratulations. If it isn’t, reach over and lock it.
Just think about the upsides. Now you don’t have to pay rent anymore because you live in your car. And think about all the money you’ll save on television streaming services. When you got rid of cable, you thought you’d save so much money. But now that every single network has its own streaming service, you’re paying twice as much as you were paying when you had cable.
But if you move into your car, you don’t need to watch any of that crap. Your windshield’s your TV now. What show are you gonna watch? It depends on where you park. One night you can watch McDonald’s Parking Lot Loiterers, the next night you can watch Surprise Back Alley Blowjob. The options really are endless.
And don’t forget, you’ve always got the radio to keep you company. Crank up some Hall & Oates and sing along. Hours of entertainment!
Sure, your social life’s gonna suffer. No one wants to hang out with you in your car. And it’ll be a hard road, literally, after you lose your job. But it’s either that or wonder if you locked your car again. And who needs that?
On second thought, maybe I do need therapy.