We all want to live forever. The problem is we can’t. And one of the main reasons is our bodies simply wear out. But there’s an exciting trend in modern medicine that might solve that. That’s right, folks. I’m talking about growing replacement organs.

Researchers at the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital have been using stem cells to grow miniature stomachs in petri dishes. Of course they’re miniature. It’s a children’s hospital. Everything is smaller there.

Right now these “gastric organoids” look like tiny, white, blobby peas. But the hope is doctors can coax these lab-grown cells into replicating complicated stomach structures.

These mini-tummies are the latest in a growing line of “organs-in-a-dish.” Leading the effort is Professor of Regenerative Medicine and Van Halen tribute band name, Alexander Seifalian. Professor Seifalian and his team made headlines a while back when they successfully made a nose by taking stem cells from a patient’s fat and growing it in the lab for two weeks.

The “test nose” was then applied to a “nose scaffold,” and then implanted in the patient’s arm so that the skin would grow to cover it. Seifalian likened it to “making a cake. We’re just using a different kind of oven.” Which is a nice way of saying: don’t ask me to bring desserts to your next pot luck.

Regenerative medicine has immense potential. Almost 114,000 people are currently on the waiting list for lifesaving organ transplants. And that’s just in the United States. It’s estimated that another name is added to the National Transplant List every ten minutes.

So far medical researchers have managed to grow parts of livers, lungs, kidneys, bladders, spinal cords, and even brain tissue. But the future of “organs grown in a dish” is looking bright. And we here at Gleek can smell opportunity from a mile away. And not just because we have an extra nose growing on our forearm.

That’s why we’re pleased to introduce Gleekowave, the world’s first “at-home organ maker.” Do you need a new stomach? Could you use a new ear? How about a second penis? Well, with Gleekowave, you can grow any organ you want, and even some you don’t.

And we know you want a convenient, no-fuss, no-muss organ maker. Which is why the Gleekowave is easy-cleaning, non-stick, and lead-free-ish. 

Gleekowave comes in a variety of stylish colors, including Marseilles Blue, Soleil Yellow, and White Privilege. Be careful when opening Gleekowave as contents may be hot…and sentient.

Also, don’t stand too close to the Gleekowave. Exposure to high levels of radiation while making your new organs could cause you to need more new organs. 

Remember, here at Gleek, our kitchen is your kitchen. Because we’re hiding in your pantry.