Remember in the 80s when having a left ear piercing meant you were gay? Or was the right ear the gay one? Either way, we all know a nose piercing meant you were bi. And a pierced anus means you’re Piers Morgan.
Of course, piercings can’t really determine one’s sexuality. When I pierced my nose, I didn’t suddenly turn bi. Kinsey 6 all the way, baby! But now I’m a Kinsey 6 with an aura of mystery. Not only does my nose piercing make me cool, but my face tells strangers: guess what, I have a septum.
But the biggest benefit of my nose ring is how it changed dynamics at family gatherings. Which is why I don’t call it a “nose ring” anymore. I call it a Nose Awkward Conversation Starter.
I love my Nose Awkward Conversation Starter. It inspires the kind of conversations I’d prefer to have at family gatherings. Visits home are so much less stressful than they used to be!
Gone are the days when I’d get stuck discussing politics with my conservative parents. Now they’re too busy complaining about my face metal. We used to argue over their right to bear arms. Now we fight about my right to staple nose. It’s so refreshing.
But you should know what you’re getting into before you get a nose piercing. Depending on the type you get, the healing process will vary. Septum piercings heal the quickest, at around six weeks. Bridge piercing take a few weeks longer than that. And nasallang piercings can take up to six months to heal! I still think it’s worth it. Because know what takes longer to heal? The human heart after learning that no one else in your family believes in climate change.
And who knows, maybe some people in your family will surprise you. Maybe your cousin will see your pierced nose, take you aside, and confess “hey, I’m bi, too.” Instead of telling him that nose piercings don’t actually determine your sexuality, pull him into a hug and say “I know.”
See? Nose Awkward Conversation Starters ultimately bring families together. Piercing the bridge of your nose isn’t just a passing fad. It’s a bridge to understanding. And for that, we salute all your piercing desires.
Sp pierce your nose to protect yourself from your family’s harmful attitudes. Pierce your nose to express yourself. Pierce your nose with pride!