It seemed like a good idea at the time. “We read a new book every other month,” they said. You figured, why not join another book club? You thought, what could go wrong?

But you forgot that social media ruined you. You used to be able to read tomes like War and Peace, or a postcard from that one friend who still sends postcards. But now you can barely finish reading a twitter thread. Who even has the energy to scroll these days?

Wouldn’t a Tweet Club be easier? You could read one new tweet every other month, but you won’t actually really read the tweet because you’re just gonna use Tweet Club as an excuse to leave the house and drink wine. It’ll be heaven. Any takers?

Unfortunately, you’re not in a Tweet Club, you’re in a Book Club. Which means you’re currently experiencing one of the forms of guilt listed below. 

Imposter’s Guilt

You picked the book and it sucked. At the last meeting, you went on and on about what a great writer Michael Wordenblatt is. But Michael Wordenblatt really phoned this one in. And now you’re questioning every opinion you’ve ever expressed. You suggested a garbage book, which means you must be a garbage person. Oh well, books were fun while they lasted.

Survivor’s Guilt

You invited a new person into Book Club and they sucked. You then had to pretend Book Club was disbanding and then you secretly started it back up again without the sucky friend. Now, whenever you see that friend, you pretend to be sad that Book Club doesn’t exist anymore. 

Completionist’s Guilt

Everyone else finished the book, but you didn’t even get close. You pretend you finished the book because you don’t want to be THAT ASSHOLE. When it’s your turn to talk about the book, you spout nonsense about how it’s an example of patriarchy in action, then you read a random passage until someone else in the group cuts you off. 

Premature Evacuator’s Guilt

You didn’t even start the book. You feel ashamed. But, again, you blame the patriarchy. 

Napoleon Complex Guilt

You’re in charge of the book club and you haven’t scheduled a meeting in over six months because you suffer from all the other types of book club guilt, and now you avoid everyone from Book Club because you’re tired of making up excuses for not scheduling a new meet-up and you’re thinking of moving to a new town and starting a new life. Preferably one without Book Clubs.