Worried About Vaccinating? Let These Cute Magical Maladies Be Your Guide!

The recent nationwide measles outbreaks got me thinking about celebrities. Specifically, celebrities with no medical expertise who decide it’s in everyone’s best interest to weigh in on health issues. 

There’s nothing new about celebs getting involved in the world of public health. America has a long history of enlisting famous people to help raise awareness about certain diseases and ailments. In 1956 Elvis Presley famously went on “The Ed Sullivan Show” to help convince the young American public that the new polio vaccine was safe. And apparently it worked. A year later, more than 75 percent of people under 20 had received the polio vaccine.

But what happens when celebs give medical advice about health issues they don’t  really understand? Or even worse, when they give the wrong advice? Well, in the case of the inexplicably popular anti-vaxxer movement, outbreaks happen.

Pop culture phenoms like “The Walking Dead” have shown us that global pandemic hellscapes are totes popular. And there’s nothing celebrities love more than being popular. One such celeb is Jenna Elfman, best known for her role as Dharma in Dharma & Greg, and as that niece Danny Elfman doesn’t like to talk about. Jenna has been front and center in the anti-vaxxer movement.

There was a measles outbreak that started at Disneyland recently, where over 150 people fell ill. Scientists with the Centers for Disease Control concluded that the vaccine refusal movement championed by celebrities like Jenna helped fuel the outbreak. The CDC has seen an increase in people deciding not to vaccinate their kids because science trendsetters like Charlie Sheen and Jenny McCarthy told them not to. 

So what can we do to help celebrities see that maybe, just maybe, their anti-vaxxer stances might be hurting the Happiest Place on Earth? Honestly? Nothing. This is America, where everyone is entitled to believe whatever fever-induced hallucination they want. And since this is America, the next logical step is to turn those fever-induced hallucinations into a magical land of singing and dancing dollar signs.

Which is why Gleek is proud to announce an exciting new line of toys designed to make you forget about the inevitable spread of contagious diseases previously eradicated by those pesky, government-mandated vaccines.

That’s right, folks. It’s our Disney-Inspired Magical Maladies! (Available in stores pending all inevitable lawsuits.) 

Check out the adorably dapper Jiminy Rickets pull-string doll, with his charming rendition of “When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires, except straight limbs…” 

Next, we have Disney’s newest villain, the Rubella Deville plushie. Are those Dalmatian spots on her stylish full-length fur coat? No, it’s just a persistent and irritating rash.

And for the little fairy lovers in your life, say hello to the pint-sized Tinker Bell’s Palsy bedsheet and pillowcase set. Just a sprinkle of pixie dust from Tinker Bell’s Palsy will have everyone chanting: “I do believe in vaccines. I do, I do!” 

So there you have it, folks. With Gleek’s new line of Disney-inspired Magical Maladies, you can thumb your nose at modern medicine as you create lasting memories to cherish with the whole family. Until they contract a previously eradicated disease, that is.

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