Why Just Gaze At The Moon When You Could Be Gazing At Ads On The Moon?

2019 marks the 50th Anniversary of Apollo 11 landing on the Moon. In July 1969, millions of people all over the world watched as Neil Armstrong stepped cautiously off that little ladder onto the Moon’s powdery surface. His famous words still resonate with us today: “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” 

Of course, who can forget when my great aunt watched the moon landing on TV from the comfort of her living room and famously said: “🥃 🥃.” Yes, she was the quiet type.

So what better way to celebrate this amazing achievement of science and humanity working together than to tell you companies are planning on putting ads on the Moon. You’re welcome.

The idea of advertising in space isn’t a new one. Companies have been slapping their logos on rockets and space suits and satellites for a while. And a whole crop of billionaire dudes are hellbent on being the first astronautonaires to commercialize space travel. 

But putting actual ads on the Moon is a fairly new concept. A Japanese company called Ispace has decided the best use for the Sea of Tranquility is to fill it with ads for McRibs. They’re currently planning to land a rover on the Moon’s surface, which would contain a “projection mapping service” where companies could showcase their logos on the Moon with the Earth in the background. Huh.

Another Japanese company is planning on launching their signature sports drink, Pocari Sweat, on a lunar lander in 2021. The capsule will be designed to look like a Pocari Sweat Can, and feature something called a “Dream Ring” filled with stories of children’s dreams from across Asia, along with the signature Pocari Sweat powder. Double huh.

Now, on the surface (of the Moon), this all seems pretty crass. But here’s the thing. There’s no law that says companies can’t advertise on the Moon. 

We here at Gleek could rail against the obscenity of putting ads in the last quiet, peaceful corner of our existence. Or we could try to make a buck with the rest of these space entrepreneurs. So run with me for a sec…

Recently a photo snapped by the famous Hubble Telescope showed what appeared to be a smiley face in space. 

Eager space nerds were quick to explain the phenomenon. The glowing eyes are actually two distant galaxies, they said. And the smile is the result of what astronomers call “strong gravitational lensing.” Just like that old saying, “strong gravitational lens and the whole world strong gravitational lenses with you.”

But this space smiley face reminded me of something else. Stay with me here…

When you’re in your backyard on a warm summer night peering into the great void above, Moon billboards could be pretty eye-catching, sure. But what if we think bigger? What if we put the “ass” in crass commercialism? And what’s better than a smiley face in space? A pile of poop in space! That’s right, I’m talking about Space Emojis. 

Right now the closest thing we have to spaces emojis is skywriting. 

But who has the time to draw a whole dick in the sky? Drawing dicks is so 2003. But eggplants in space? Now we’re talking!

What could be more exciting than looking up into the great night sky and seeing a birthday party invite: 

🎉 🎂 🥂 🥂 💃 💃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🤮 🎂 

Or imagine if that certain special someone proposed to you in space?

💍 👰 🎩 🍰 🥂 🥂 💃 💃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🤮 🍰 

Admit it, you’d say yes. 

Just think: if space emojis existed when Jesus was born, those Three Wise Men would’ve had no trouble finding him:

🌟 🌴 🐪 🐑 👶 🕺🕺🕺 🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🤮 🍰

If we can put billboards on the Moon, we can make space emojis happen. Because you know you want to look up into that infinite ocean of blackness with no shore and think:

🍆  🍑 ☝️ 👅  🥃 🥃 🥃 🥃 🤮 🍰

Wow. I just got to third base with space. And that really is one small 👟 for woman, one giant 🤸🏻‍♂️ for womankind.

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