Thanks to Venmo, sending money to your friends is easier than ever. Now that your mom finally downloaded the app, you know it isn’t hip anymore. But it’s still convenient. And it’s the most emoji-friendly way to pay someone back for brunch.
If you let your payments show up in the public feed, you’re making a clear statement. And that statement is: I’m not afraid to send my therapist twelve eggplant emojis. You’re also telling us: I need more therapy. Bonus!
You can actually learn a lot about a person by what emojis they use on Venmo. After scrolling through all my friends’ Venmo feeds, some distinct patterns began to form.
It turns out, there are seven types of Venmo users.
The Horny Friend
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The Horny Friend always finds a way to make their Venmo comments sexual. When they pay their portion of the rent, they say “thanks for the sex.” When they pay you back for drinks the other night, they say “I’m so horny for you.” They even send eggplant emojis to their mom. They’ve had sex before and they want you to know it!
The Thoughtful Friend
The Thoughtful Friend uses the prayer hands emoji like it’s going out of style. They’ve got you in their thoughts at all times, dammit, and they’re just grateful to have an emoji to express their thoughtful concern.
The Random Friend
The Random Friend will use any emoji in their Venmo comment. Because they’re random! They’re wacky! You don’t think this is an appropriate time for the grapes emoji? Don’t be so small-minded! There’s never been a MORE perfect time for the grapes emoji! Also, you still owe me for that time I picked up lunch for us two weeks ago.
The Friend Who Really Likes The Song 99 Luftballoons by Nena
This friend will use the red balloon emoji 99 times whenever they’re given the opportunity. Thanks for brunch, Friend Who Loves 99 Luftballoons.
The Friend Who Washes His Teddy Bear In The Shower
I don’t get it either, but your Friend Who Washes His Teddy Bear In The Shower needs you to know he Washes His Teddy Bear In The Shower, which is why his favorite emoji combination on Venmo is the shower head and the teddy bear. You do you, Friend Who Washes His Teddy Bear In The Shower!
The Friend Who Is A Lobster
We all have that one Friend Who Is A Lobster. The lobster emoji is their favorite emoji to use on Venmo because it’s nice to have a lobster emoji when you are a lobster.
Or perhaps you’re a combination of several of the above Venmo users. Like me, The Friend Who Is A Lobster Who Washes His Teddy Bear In The Shower Who Is Horny.
So, which Venmo user are you?