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In The Game of Thrones, Nobody Wins. Unless You’re Named Hot Pie.

Well, it’s over. Game of Thrones officially ended its eight season run. Some people loved it. Some people hated it. But everyone agreed we all wish we had cool nicknames like The Kraken’s Daughter or The White Wolf.

In the world of ice and fire, characters get their nicknames from people who’ve lived to sing their praises, or lament their shortcomings. These monikers are frequently based on a character’s deeds, or what House they were born into, or who they married. Sometimes a character’s nickname is based on a specific personality trait or their physical appearance. Which proves that everyone in Game of Thrones can be as shallow and mean-spirited as junior high school kids.

Fans of the show—or Throneheads, as no one calls us—love these nicknames. We imagine we’re as cunning as The Spider. We fantasize we’re as sexy as The Red Viper. We declare ourselves the Mother of Dragons (pre-genocide, that is).

But if we’re being honest, our nicknames would be nowhere near as cool. If we really looked at ourselves, we might end up with nicknames we instantly regret. Because let’s face it, most of the time we’re totally insufferable.

You might be Cleaning Charge Chad, so named for your propensity for puking in the group uber. You could be Sir ButtClench of Sharts, because of that one time you had too much sauerkraut at the county fair and then got stuck in traffic on your way home. Or maybe you’re The Mound, because of your well-honed inability to put away your laundry in a timely matter.

Perhaps you’re Indecisive of House Refusal to Pick a Restaurant? Or maybe you’ve been crowned Stinkfinger, in which case I recommend you take a good, hard look at your life choices.

We’ve grown to love and loathe the characters in Game of Thrones over the past eight seasons. And we promise to honor the memory of their very memorable nicknames. We’ll miss The Imp, The Onion Knight, and The Bastard of Winterfell. And even though Winter has come for our favorite Sunday night tweetfest, we’ll still pretend we’re as badass as The Hound, as cynical as Dolorous Edd, and as cocky as The Kingslayer, minus the whole incest thing.

But we’d like to give a special shout-out to the most recent, and unexpected, hero of Game of Thrones. So raise a Gleek to The Roof of Red Keep, First of Her Nave, Queen of the Barrel Vault and Bearer of Great Weight, Exerter of Lateral Thrust, Flyer of Buttresses, The Mother of Rubble, Bringer of the Fallen Sky, and the Crusher of Cersei and Jamie Lannister. We shall always remember your prophetic warning, fair Roof: If you play the Game of Thrones, you either win or you get smooshed by the ceiling.

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