If You Don’t Put Snails On Your Face, Are You Even Trying To Look Hot?

We all want to look hot. And that means having a dedicated beauty regimen. Maybe you get your eyebrows threaded. Maybe you have your teeth bleached. Or maybe you get your vagina steamed. I’m not here to judge. But if you’re serious about your skin care routine, then you should check out the latest craze in beauty treatments: the snail facial, or snacials, as nobody calls them. 

The trend started in South Korea a few years ago, but as word spread about the purported benefits of snail slime, it became popular worldwide. So what is it, you ask? Exactly what it sounds like, I answer. You let snails slide over your skin, secreting their goo as they go.

In nature, snail slime has a variety of functions. It helps the snail adhere to the surface it’s traveling along; it repels predators; it helps snails recognize each other, and it lubricates the snail to protect its skin. It’s this last trait that made beauticians take note. Snail slime fans claim this concentrated mucin can hydrate your skin.

They also claim snail mucus can improve wrinkles and acne blemishes, as well as prevent aging. And as an added bonus, glistening snail trails really make your eyes pop.

By the way, do not google “glistening snail trails.”

If you’re too much of a coward to let the snails leave their slime in real time, you can buy skincare products that contain concentrated snail mucin. 

But Katie Holmes and Drew Barrymore are, allegedly, both fans of the snail goo. So don’t find yourself in a Never Been Snail-Trailed scenario. Go for the real thing!

I’m sure you’re wondering: is snail mucus really some magical beauty agent hiding in my garden right now? The answer is “maybe.” One research study prescribed snail essence to 25 people with skin damage. After 12 weeks of use, there was some mild improvement in eye wrinkles and skin texture. 

Snail mucin is usually listed as “snail essence” (sexy!) or “snail secretion” (less sexy!). But you can find the same key nutrients in snail slime — hyaluronic acid, glycoprotein enzymes, and peptides — in a lot of other things. So it’s up to you to decide whether you want those beneficial agents from a tube, or from the ass of a snail.

I know what you’re thinking: snails are gross, and mucus is disgusting. But snails actively secreting their mucus on your face? That must be surprisingly refreshing! I mean, Katie and Drew wouldn’t steer us wrong, would they? 

A final Gleek Service Announcement (#GSA): If you’re going to try this at home, please don’t hurt any snails in your attempts to look moist and youthful.

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