You know when you’re doing the laundry and suddenly you remember “oh, shit, I forgot to wish Anthony and Julian a Happy Gay Uncle’s Day?” We’ve all been there.
Most holidays are easy to remember. If I mention “the 4th of July,” your brain thinks “that’s on the 4th of July.” No hesitation. But if I said “Gay Uncle’s Day,” your brain would look at me like what are you talking about? Most people don’t even know what it is, let alone when it is.
Gay Uncle’s Day was founded in 2016 when a random Facebook user decided Ptown’s Bear Week wasn’t a sufficient celebration of childless gay men. But since it’s so new, three out of four gay uncles still haven’t heard of it!
I’d like to change those stats. I’d also like to change my Grindr stats, but rebranding a nationally unknown holiday seems like an easier task.
Traditionally, GUD, as no one calls it, lands on the second Sunday of August. And when’s that? Who knows! I’m gay, do you think I own a calendar? Calendars are canonically straight, so fuck that noise.
The last four Gay Uncle’s Days landed on the 14th, the 13th, the 12th, and the 11th, which really puts the “Questioning” in LGBTQ. Make up your mind, holiday! Pick a date! Or don’t, actually. I don’t see any reason to only celebrate this fabulous holiday once a year. Why not make every day Gay Uncle’s Day?
As Oprah probably once said to Gayle, you get a Gay Uncle Day, and you get a Gay Uncle Day, and you get a Gay Uncle Day!
That’s right, if you happen to be a guncle, then today is all about you. And tomorrow’s all about you. And the next day too. Literally whatever day today is, it belongs to you. Own it. You have straight friends who reproduced and they’ve decided to bring up your homosexuality every time they reference you, and for that you most definitely deserve as many days on the straight calendar as you want.
So when you get those “Happy Guncle’s Day rainbow emoji” texts from your mom’s friends, pick up your gay phone, send them back a gay thank you (“Yassss Queen! Come through! You flooded my basement!”), and then get on with your gay day.