When Justin Bieber’s first single, “One Time,” dropped in 2009, millions of Beliebers were born. The Biebs was more successful than us back then. But he was also richer and younger! Still, we believed he was just like us, which is why we called ourselves Beliebers.
Well, as it turns out, Belieberitis is harder to cure than the Coronavirus. Over a decade later, most of us are still afflicted. But it’s time we admit that the name “Beliebers” is a bit silly.
That’s right, I’m here to urge the Justin Bieber fandom to be-leave the name Beliebers in the be-past. We need a new name. Gleek is here with a few suggestions.
THE CULT OF JUSTIN
Let’s just admit it. We’ve been drinking the Justin Bieber Kool-Aid for years. So if the Bieb Man asked us to drink from the same ginormous bottle of champagne, we’d do it. No questions asked. We’d follow him to a remote rural compound even if it means sewing our own white cotton undershirts. So let’s embrace our fanaticism and call it like it is: The Cult of Justin.
One of the side effects of Bieber Fever is Bieber Muscle Aches and Bieber Chills and Shivering. As a result, I spend a lot of time on my couch googling J-Beebs. And zero time at the gym. Which means Justin has at least six more abs than I do. Raise your custom-made Justin Bieber Limited Edition Trucker Hat in the air if you feel me.
But what if we turned the fandom into an exercise group and called ourselves Biebercizers? According to Men’s Health, The Bieberminator lifts five times a week, alternating abs days. If we all followed his workout routine, we could collectively have millions of more abs than Justin! You might think that’s impossible, but in the immortal words of Justin Bieber, and only Justin Bieber, “never say never.”
You’ve heard of Bronies, right? I’m talking about old people who like My Little Pony. Well, Bieberonies are basically the same thing, except they’re old people who like Justin Bieber.
NEW BELIEBERS ON THE BLOCK
This is the exact same name we currently have, but with more words in it. Adding those words would be an attempt at making our fandom name more inclusive. It’s like holding a handmade sign outside of someone’s house that reads: “hey, maybe you weren’t a fan of Bieber back in the day, but we still be-welcome you.”
So what do you think, fellow Beliebers?
We need consensus in the community, so please forward this Gleek to everyone you know in the fandom. Tag your friends! I beliebe we can do it.